This week I’ve been pondering the subjective nature of feelings yet again. What we believe usually dictates how we feel. Our attitudes about people and events will generate our emotional responses to them. Our attitudes and beliefs are always right, as they are subjective matters and are not governed by facts or logic, they are just that, feelings, beliefs, emotions. Since we’ve practiced our beliefs over a lifetime, we are very loyal to them, otherwise, we’d believe something else.
Any argument always has two sides, but as we get stuck on our rightness, we lose sight of our real human objective, which is to be happy. Many people believe that being right IS being happy. Most of us eventually learn that our rightness may be limiting or restricting our happiness. Our rightness about effective recovery from a significant emotional loss often limits our ability to complete relationships that have ended or changed, therefore a closure may never come. Many of the beliefs that we hold about dealing with losses are incorrect and unhelpful, but since this is how we were taught to respond, we continue practicing them for a lifetime.
For example, we were taught that “time heals everything”, but in fact, it doesn’t. Time does not complete anything in itself. If we believe, with all the mighty force of rightness, that time is going to heal our emotional wounds, we’re destined to wait forever. Time does not heal or complete, time just goes by. It is the actions that we take within that timeframe that could help us grieve, complete and ultimately recover.
Another example of unhelpful belief is a practice of “keeping busy”. As a response to the conflicting and often painful feelings left by a loss, keeping busy can be a quite unproductive short-term distraction. At the end of a busy day, your heart is still broken. Keeping busy does not complete relationships, taking time to work on your feelings and address the wounds within yourself usually do.
Therefore, Right is not necessarily good, it’s only Right. We tend to develop a ferocious loyalty to our rightness even though it often leads to horrible squabbles in a relationship. If we think about most of the fights we had, we realize that both sides clung fiercely to the rightness of their position. Even in the aftermath, either party may have stayed on a position of rightness and refused to apologize, and thereby extended the argument.
It may be time for us to examine some of our beliefs and attitudes and how we process the conflicting feelings caused by a loss or changed relationship. We must ensure we have effective beliefs that can lead us towards happiness, rather than being stuck in rightness. Using correct information and actions can help us capture the happiness everybody most definitely deserves.
The truth is, most people want to be both, happy and right, but in reality, you most often have to choose. So, what’s your side, happy or right???
What’s Cooking This Week
Speaking of tomato (or tomatoe ), spring is in full blooms, and so are tomatoes and other vegetables. With a longer daylight and more energy, our bodies crave nutritious sustenance to help us endure all the work hours and exciting spring events we strive to cram in just one day. A dish full of antioxidants and energy-boosting nutrients is just what we need to optimize our daily schedules.
Veggie Florentine Soup
32 oz veggie (or chicken) stock
2 medium potatoes, cubed
1 medium eggplant, cubed
1 small yellow squash (or zucchini), cubed
3 medium carrots, sliced
1 small onion, chopped
1 medium bell pepper, chopped
15 oz can of diced tomatoes
1/2 lb frozen or fresh peas
2 garlic cloves, sliced or pressed
salt, pepper, spices
fresh herbs, chopped
optional: 1 tspoon of granulated sugar
Pour veggie/chicken stock in a large soup pan, add water to make up to 2/3 of a pan and bring to a boil covered on a low flame. While it’s boiling, in a deep frying pan, heat up a few spoons of olive oil and saute garlic and onions until lightly golden, add squash, eggplant, carrots and peppers, season it all with desired spices (I used lemon-pepper blend) and saute until almost done, add diced tomatoes and cook for another 1-2 minutes, then set aside.
When the stock and water are boiled, add salt and pepper and cubed potatoes, cook for a couple of minutes and add peas. Then add the veggie saute to the soup pan, mix well and bring it all to a boil, add some sugar if desired (I like my tomatoes a bit sweet) and chopped fresh herbs. Enjoy!