Monthly Archives: March 2012

Mar31

Sprinkles And Cinnamon

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            Rain, rain, go away! Or maybe not?

             What is there to do on a rainy Saturday? Cook and eat of course!

             Oh, and gossip too :)

    

     Since yesterday was apparently “call Diana and expect miracles” day at work, I need to vent a bit, about doctors, or rather say, those who strive and, hopefully, one day be doctors, aka medical residents and interns. 

     But first, about patients. It’s a hospital, you see all kind of characters and deal with all kind of personalities, there are some that will test your patience and try your “duck and run” skills, there are sweet ones that will bring you some weird gifts (like a huge Vidalia onion I got one day for Christmas), and then there are those that you don’t even know what to make out of them, but you just take them as they are. As the one I call a “leprechaun” man, he is roaming hospital halls all decked out in a gold suit, gold shoes and helmet as well as a gold suitcase to match. Sometimes I walk behind him to see if he drops a pot of gold, but that never happened, probably this leprechaun got all depressed and broke, or maybe he just wants all the gold for himself.

     Back to the residents and interns. I’ve worked with a never-ending flock of these young creatures, they change every four weeks. The worse time is the first week in July, don’t ever get sick and go to the hospital in July! Why? That’s when the new doctors-in-training start their hospital rotation for that year, they are usually cocky, hyper and oh so clueless.

Once they settle down, start remembering just memorized theory classes and actually learning some practical cases, I divide them into several categories and approach as such.

         There are some geeky brainiacs who remember all the theory but need encouragement proceeding with the actual cases. You pat them on their back, you discuss some latest research, but you’re also sure they’ve double-checked their every step with the attending doctor, so you feel OK that the work will be done.

Then there are “know-it-alls” over-confident and bossy ones who don’t check with anybody else and think they are there to “supervise”. They constantly tell you what you “should be doing” and consider performing miracles is your direct responsibility. Seriously, dude, I’m out of pixie dust! And who are you again?!

Then there are “pretty girls” that remind me of Legally Blonde (minus her brains), they are pink and perfectly polished and totally clueless.

And sometimes you get a male version of that. You just wonder how they not only got accepted into medical school but managed to stay there that long. Those you don’t even argue or discuss patients with, you smile and go straight to their attending.

The ones I actually like have a nice combination of proper professional factors and human qualities, they know their work, they appreciate yours, you can talk about patients and crack some jokes (even inappropriate ones), and you actually start to miss them once their four-week rotation is over. Sign me up to be their future patient!

But no matter who they really are, I try to keep in mind that they are just kids, medical school for many of them is probably their parents’ unfulfilled dream, and they’d rather be out with their friends or in bed with one of those “pretty girls”, and are probably totally scared inside of all the responsibilities of this “life and death” field. They’d much rather be playing than cutting and body sewing.

 The attendings come in all shapes and sizes too, most of them are knowledgeable and caring towards their patients. Some though are so old and on so many different medicines themselves that you just wonder how they even get up in the morning, let alone come to teach somebody and treat patients. There was an attending who’d fall asleep every time his butt hit a chair, one time his residents and I were getting ready to call a “code” on him as he was sliding down the chair and seemingly not breathing. There should be a forced retirement age for doctors I think. :)

What’s Cooking This Rainy Weekend

          First a review and my favorite leisurely weekend breakfast.  I went to Trader Joe’s this week and picked up some of their gluten free bread products. I don’t often go there as their gluten free section is tiny comparing to Whole Foods, and most of the brands in the store are their own, and I usually want to pick up a few specific things that I know they don’t carry. But I decided to give it a try, picked up a pack of their gluten free English muffins and French rolls. Both products contain soy oil and flour so immediately go on my “rare occasion” list, but it doesn’t mean I can’t still try. So I used one of the English muffins to make my favorite weekend breakfast – smoked salmon and toast.

         The texture of the muffin was good and very close to the wheat English muffin we all know, however, some unpleasant hint and an aftertaste didn’t leave a lasting impression. I think I’ll continue to enjoy my weekend salmon on either Udi’s toast or bagel or on Ener-G’s English muffin that to me looks more like a roll but has a more pleasant taste.

         And since it’s raining, we need something warm and sweet and satisfying. Like crepes. I love crepes, it’s an ultimate Russian dish, it’s a skill to make them even and pretty, and when they are gluten free, it’s an added challenge for both look and taste.

Gluten Free Crepes

          This recipe was adapted from the cookbook Babycakes Covers The Classics. The original recipe was for crepes filled

with onions and vegan cheddar. I wanted my crepes sweet, therefore, I added some sugar and cinnamon and

increased the water as the batter was too thick in my opinion. And next time I’ll try making them with some flour

mix other than Bob’s as I’m not a big fan of bean flours, though I do understand that it might affect the texture.

3/4 cup of Bob’s Red Mill All-Purpose Gluten Free flour

1/4 cup of brown rice flour

1/2 tspoon Xanthan Gum

1/2 cup of rice milk

1 cup of hot water

1/4 cup of melted coconut (or canola) oil

1 tbspoon of sugar and cinnamon mix (make your own)

1/8 tspoon of salt

         Combine all the dry ingredients, then stir in all the wet ones, add more hot water if necessary and the batter appears to be thick, it has to be more liquidy than for pancakes. Heat up an 8-inch pan with low sides and spread a bit of coconut or canola oil, using a medium size ladle or a big serving spoon, pour about 1/2 cup of batter in the pan and immediately swerve it around so the whole surface of the pan is evenly covered. Cook on one side until the top part appears to be dry, then using a big spatula, turn the crepe over and cook for about a minute more. Repeat the process with the oil and the rest of the batter. You’ll get about 6-7 crepes. I like them with fruit preserves and some powdered sugar, you can use any kind of filling or topping, or just eat them plain. Enjoy!

Mar30
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   To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

                                                                 Bess Myerson

 Especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last.

     This week is all about the heart, in all possible meanings of this word.  After eating two chocolate kisses (my usual after-lunch treat during work days), I suddenly felt very faint, and my heart started to race like crazy. My first thought was “you’re finally being punished for all the chocolate you consumed over the years”, and my second thought was “do not collapse and die at work”, do it anywhere else (which is kind of counter-productive as I work in a hospital, and, if to collapse anywhere, it’s better do it on a hospital floor, but the thing is, I work with these young residents every day, I know what they are “capable” of :) ).

     So, off I went to see the cardiologist yet again (as I’ve had some heart issues for the past few years, but nothing was really found). After doing a quick EKG and a sono, the doctor decided I wasn’t going to immediately drop dead (and mind you, I was already making a mental list of all the people I was going to haunt from the other side :) )   Instead, doctor strapped me to a Holter monitor. And for a whole day, I looked like aliens were trying to perform some experiments on me, I had tubes and wires coming from all the possible places and was trying to pretend really hard that a big box strapped on my pants is just some cool new player. When I went back to the doctor, and the monitor was read, I found out I have tachycardia and need to take a beta-blocker. And even though I’d rather hear “it’s all in my head”, I was glad I finally got some answers.

But as I sat there throughout the day listening to my heartbeat and watching the monitor, I kept thinking that my heart might be just really broken, it was racing and skipping the beats trying to escape all the past and possibly future heartaches it had to endure.

I’ve had my heart broken so many times during the lifetime that it’d seem I should’ve learned ages before, but, somehow, I was still managing to get into the same situation. And what would be an alternative? To me it was to shut everything off completely, not to feel, not to care, and not to love. A very bleak alternative if you ask me. Not something I can do for a long time. But as the last relationship ended, it also taught me some difficult yet necessary lessons, something my heart is desperately trying to remind me: you can’t shut your heart off completely, you need to keep it open so love, care, concern and devotion can get in, but you also need to protect your heart from all the negative influences and, if in need of mending, care for it like for a wounded child. Be gentle to you heart, it’s the organ of love! :)

Mending a broken heart is never easy, there is no quick way to stop yourself from hurting too much. To stop loving is not an option, not as a fast solution, and not if your love was genuine. But there is a way to get to the other side of pain, the only way is to go through it.

  • Go through your pain, not around it, feel the void, the devastation of your loss and the grief of no longer having that person around you. Don’t mask or avoid your true feelings, they will only come back to haunt you, allow yourself to be broken (more on melancholy days, read my post “Some Days Are Better Left Undone”). You will eventually emerge as a stronger person and ready to love again.
  • Detach yourself and embrace your independence. Detaching yourself physically and emotionally is the first step in working through the pain and eventually moving on. Yes, I know, easier said than done, guilty of it myself. You have to repeat over and over “I don’t need anybody or anything to make me happy, I’m my own entity, and I’m whole”. When the pangs of sadness and grief strike, it’s so hard to believe that you can survive without that person and feel whole again, but I’ve learned over and over again, that I really can. It is my job, with the help of the Higher Power, to be happy and feel alive again.
  • List your strengths and feed your ego.  Nothing will make you feel better than patting yourself on a back and tooting your own horn, just go for it, you totally deserve it!
  • Allow for some daydreaming and fantasizing. No grief would be a complete process if you don’t allow yourself to fantasize about the person you just lost and dream about all the “ifs” and “maybes”. Trying NOT to do it is as hard as not to think of “the pink elephant”, you’ll just end up completely lost in “the elephant world”. Fantasy during a loss is a natural process, it’s that much needed magical touch of some special powers that coping mechanism bring in to let us rest, even if for a brief moment, from all the pain we are experiencing from that loss.
  • Make a “good” and “bad” list. Point some activities that bring you more joy and more energy while allowing for some rest and recovery and avoid those activities that painfully remind you of the person no longer around you. Sometimes you’re just not sure  where it really belongs untill you’re actually faced with that activity, but some obvious ones, like constantly re-reading that person’s emails or texts trying to find some new meaning in now meaningless words, or checking their Facebook page only to find a picture of their new love interest should probably automatically lend on the “not-to-do” list.
  • Laugh if you want to and cry if you do. It’s not a coincidence that you feel much better right after a good cry. There are many physiological reasons why crying feels so liberating, it’s a great release of all that cooped up negative energy. Some research shows that emotional tears (comparing to simple irritation like while you cut an onion) produce tears full of toxic biochemical byproducts. Thus, shedding those tears, we also get rid of the toxins in the body and feel an immediate release. So, cry an afternoon away!
  • Find hope (also see my post “Flower Power”).  A lovely quote in the movie The Tale of Despereaux that is also very powerful: “there is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness”. Forgiveness requires a release of all the negative memories and influences that the experience has caused you, it also requires a detachment from the emotional pain so you can move forward, but most importantly, forgiveness requires hope, a belief that an empty void will one day be filled with happiness again, and there are better things awaiting you, and you no longer need to hold on to any sad memories. Forgiveness is moving through and on.
  • And the most important: remember to love again :) Once our hearts are bruised and burned from the relationship that just ended, we have only two options: either to close it off completely so no one will be able to get inside, or we can love again, just as deeply and intensely as we did before. I always seemed to choose the second option, and I still believe it’s the right one. Only this time it will be with some necessary modifications :)

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to allow your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you loved will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

                                           Henri Nouwen

 

 

What’s Cooking This Week

     While the heart medicine is working on a physical level, and a new insight and attitude (hopefully) are working on emotions, we still need to satisfy the body with the actual nourishment. I think it calls for some heart-healthy and also comforting dish. It’s time for borsch! Did you think I meant chicken soup? That’s good too, but I’m Russian, borsch is my ultimate comfort dish that just happens to be very nutrient dense of heart-healthy veggies like beets, carrots, peppers, tomatoes and cabbage. Many people don’t like beets, but I think this root veggie is very much misunderstood, it’s soft once cooked and oh so sweet in both taste and nature :)

     A traditional borsch recipe calls for either beef or veal base (sometimes fish), but for the sake of saving some time and calories, I often make “skinny” borsch, or “postniy” in Russian. You may, however, substitute chicken/beef/veggie broth for some water in the soup, I often just skip that part. If you like gaspacho, give borsch a try too, you may be pleasantly surprised.

“Skinny” Borsch

2 cups of white cabbage, shredded

3 large potatoes, cut

1 medium onion, chopped

2 large carrots, grated

1 medium beet, grated (if hard to grate, you may pre-boil it a bit)

1 medium bell pepper (red preferred), sliced or cut

15 oz tomatoes or 6 oz tomato paste (I prefer paste)

3 garlic cloves, crushed or thinly sliced

4-5 tbspoons of olive oil

salt, pepper, sugar, spices as preferred

fresh herbs

While water is boiling, in a separate pan add olive oil (you’ll need more than usual as this is becomes your “base” in the absence of meat broth) and saute lightly onion and garlic, then add grated beets, carrots and cut pepper, season lightly as desired (I usually add salt, pepper, dry oregano and a bit of lemon/pepper blend) and saute it all until half done. Stir in tomato paste or tomatoes, I also add a bit of sugar as I like it sweet rather than tart. Cook it all until just about done, then cover it and set it aside.

Once water is boiling, add cut potatoes, and a couple of minutes after that, add cabbage, season lightly with all the same spices and let it all cook till just about done. Add your sautéed veggie base to your soup and on a small flame bring it all to a boil stirring to incorporate all the ingredients. Taste and add more sugar and/or spices if desired. Cook the soup for another couple of minutes till it’s done but veggies are not very mushy. Remove from heat, cover and let it stand for at least 20-30 minutes. Garnish with fresh herbs.

And you MUST eat it with sour cream! Otherwise the Russian police will throw you in jail (and I hear it’s not pleasant there :) )

Enjoy!

Matters Of The Heart

Mar28

Arts and the City

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     Life in NYC is never dull, unless you’re deliberately trying to hide in a hole, but even more challenging to find a balance between trying to satisfy all sides and responsibilities. There is always something going on that you want to see or try, time and money are the usual stopping points, you want to manage your free time and finances wisely (especially when having a full-time job, a part-time private practice, a kid to raise, and all the foods to try :) )  Classical music is something that nourishes me as much as any food does, but I’m usually left to enjoy it alone as very few of my family or friends could be convinced to go to the Carnegie Hall or the Met Opera (when my son was little, he was routinely dragged to various kiddie classical concerts with the hopes that he’d learn to love music as much as I do, and even though I still believe in “experience and exposure”, very rarely now my teen allows to become a “drag-on” to any classical event). I do hope though that he got a “recessive” music gene that one day will just show up when he is older as both, myself and his dad are big classical music lovers. And then his own kids will become “drag-ons”, and I’m sure his dad and I will gladly help :)

     As I’m waiting for a new generation of “drag-ons” to be born, I’ve learned to appreciate these lone outings. You can be more spontaneous and just follow your mood and free time in choosing “the flavor” of the day among numerous activities going on in the city. One of the organizations I’ve been following for some time is Opera Singers Initiative (www.operasingersinitiative.org), a program that provides mentoring and exposure to young opera singers. Every few months, their charges have an event to showcase their talents (and graciously accept donations or just a ticket price) that are also often tied to some cultural spot or another form of art, like paintings or fashion. It’s a great way to combine several cultural experiences in one and also a chance to hear wonderful music and singing “up close and personal” as the venues are usually small and allow for interaction and “meet the artist” feel at the follow-up reception.

     So last week I attended their Spring Preview gathering at the Underline Gallery (www.underlinegallery.com). One of the warmers day so far this year provided a gorgeous back-drop to illuminate the whole experience, as I walked through Union Square area, the hums of the street musicians combined with the subway sounds underneath and joined the busting out noise of the Happy Hour goers with the little sprinkles of children’s laughter playing nearby – the ever-present mix of city life was creating music with each step I took towards the gallery. The event planners were warm and accommodating as usual, beautiful reception area with wines, o’derves and sweets awaited everybody who ventured in. And of course the main attraction were the opera entries performed by the talented singers.

The gallery showcased several exhibits one of which were of the wonderful photographs by Bhumika Bhatia.


The post below the photographs announced a raffle to benefit the artist who was recovering from a serious car accident. I do not often participate in any kind of raffles especially when the entry ticket is as high as $50, however, this was more than a raffle but rather a call for help to assist an artist who was in a difficult situation. Again, rather tacky, if you look at it from afar. However, I never forget that during the 9 months of my cancer treatment, when I was unable to work, I was supported by generosity of my family, friends, co-workers and almost strangers, so to me “giving back” was something I could do to thank those many people so one more person could rest and recover at home. I sincerely wish the artist a speedy recovery and fruitful career up ahead, and I know I’ll be re-paid in some other way. And, if by some miracle, I win the raffle, it’d be the most wonderful gift I could’ve received.

I spotted these gems at the gallery, a Princess chair, and of course, one for the Prince :)

     But no downtown gallery would be complete without some art objects related to sex or anything explicit.

     I guess it was unplanned pregnancy as the picture is called “Souvenirs D’Enfance”.

     And if this is how you conceive and bear children, you might as well hang this “kiddie art” in their room.

                   

                                                                                                                

These we called “ABCs of Sex”.  Surely every NYC kid needs an “early education”.

                                                         

  So, overall it was a great evening and this is how it ended.

                                                      

What’s Cooking This Week

     Since it’s an artsy kind of day, we need something refine and mild tasting yet sophisticated enough to be served as a “typical” NYC meal. 

Honey Dijon Catfish

4 catfish fillets, cut into smaller pieces (you may also use any other white fish such as sole, flounder, tilapia, I like catfish as it tastes buttery yet mild)

1 large carrot, thinly sliced or grated

you may use 1/2 cup of pre-made honey-mustard sauce, I made my own simply to avoid all the unnecessary ingredients usually found in a commercial honey mustard

1/4 cup of  white wine Dijon mustard

1/4 cup of honey

1/4 cup of warm water

3-4 tspoons of olive oil

salt, lemon/pepper blend, other spices as desired

cut green scallions for garnish

     Mix together mustard, honey and warm water until well blended and smooth (use more/less water for the desired consistency). Pour olive oil on a warm frying pen and arrange fish pieces. Season the fish and put carrots slices on top, pour honey mustard mixture spreading it evenly. Cover the pen and cook the fish on a low flame for 10-12 minutes. Garnish with scallions or any other fresh herbs once the fish is served. We like it with either rice or mashed potatoes :)   Enjoy!

Mar23

Flower Power

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   This week, I’ve been pondering the concepts of Hope and Living in the Now (both are very handy things when you don’t feel your best and just hope that nothing serious is going on, yet again, and maybe, just maybe, one of these days doctors will find a cure to stop all my ailments). Hey, I warned you, some of the posts will contain rants or whining, this is one of them, partially :)

     The concept of Hope is as old as Humanity is, without it, we’re just empty shells with no dreams, aspirations and a direction in life. We are introduced to the concept at a very early age, when our parents speak to us referring to all the wonderful dreams they have for us (often, a derivative of their own unfulfilled dreams). We grow up constantly being oriented into the future, when all those hopes will finally come to fruition (no matter how unattainable they are, that’s why they are hopes and dreams, the psychological connection to those hypothetical future moments becomes as important as having those moments actually fulfilled in life). And some of them do become reality, with a lot of active involvement and also being “in the right time” as everything in life the way it’s supposed to be, and nothing is coincidental.

     And as we become parents themselves, we continue on installing dreams and hopes in our own children and often lament or grieve the aspirations that we didn’t see materialize. Day after day, our cognition and emotions are either future or past-oriented, or often both, as again, we “transfer” our dreams onto our children with the hope of finally having them transformed into reality. We’ve perfected the “Future” and the “Past”, but in the process, we’ve lost the “Now”. We do not pay attention anymore what good is going on at this second (even if that good is a tiny pebble among a whole canyon of difficulties), and we don’t want to receive the many great things that are within our reach right at this moment (we’d rather wait for the most wonderful things that are “promised” to us in the future only to find out that many of them will remain just that, dreams).

     The importance of Hope is valuable as being a part of human existence and a connection to miracles that may be one day bestowed upon us, but the importance of Living in the Now is immeasurable as a connection to your own Spirit and the World around you that is very much reachable and welcoming of all your “Now” dreams and aspirations.

     My “miracle” hopes are that one day I will wake up and be completely healthy and cured of all past, current and future illnesses, that there will be some magic pill that I can take and erase not only multiple ailments but also any fears that some old or new diseases will crop up, but chances are, it will probably never happen, but if I lose that hope, I will also lose a will to live. Hope is very important, as we just agreed on that. But while I wait for that magic pill to be discovered, I’m also desperately trying to find some sense and motivation to feel that every single day, no matter how bad it was, had some joyous moments and small accomplishments and maybe even some tiny steps towards that “One Big Dream”. If I lose that, I will not only lose a will to live but also a sense of self and a connection to the Divine Spirit that is in all of us. As the Universe has no time and no past and future, it only exists in the Now. We need that Now connection to remain both human and divine and continue on our chosen path.

     As I was coming home after a particularly hectic day, I passed a store full of spring flowers. A vibrant and fragrant call of the flower display was the best moment of that day. And I can probably wait till I get a huge bouquet presented to me by “the man of my dreams”, or maybe a mysterious stranger sends it with an admiration note (hey, it’s a dream, and I can make it any way I want it). Or I can own the very essence of spring spirit right now, and enjoy all the wonderful moments the flowers can bring me today.

     The importance of believing that a perfect stranger is already thinking of sending me flowers is unquestionable, the importance of buying yourself flowers today is immense!

 

What’s Cooking This Week

 

     This week is all about hopes and dreams, the “Big Ones” and in the “Now”. One day I hope I will be able to take a ride through Italian countryside, and hopefully, a companion will be wonderful too! But I can also bring warm and sunny Italy into my home right now, that’s why we are having Tuscan Soup this week.

    A traditional Tuscan Soup is made with crumbled sausage, potatoes, cream, spinach and sweet peppers. I’m cooking a healthy version of that dish, tiny turkey meatballs are added instead of sausage (you can also add sliced Portobello mushrooms instead to make it vegan) and I’m skipping spinach as I want to garnish the soup with fresh scallions (the idea is for all the flavors to compliment not compete with each other).

Tuscan Soup With A Twist

 

 

1 whole cauliflower head, cut into smaller pieces

3 large or 4 medium potatoes, cut

15 mini bell peppers or 2 large ones, sliced very thin

1 lb ground turkey

1/4 cup instant oatmeal

fresh scallions, cut for garnish

salt, pepper, spices like basil and oregano

     In a large pot boil cauliflower and potatoes in a slated water until done, reserve some water, strain and let them cool off. Boil another pot of water (just enough to cover all the meatballs), add oatmeal and some salt/pepper/spices to ground turkey, mix well and form tiny meatballs. I like to add oatmeal instead of breadcrumbs as it binds really well without making meatballs mushy and without adding extra carbs to the mixture :) Cook meatballs until half-way done and then add sliced peppers, cook all until fully done, do not strain.

     In a blender combine cauliflower, potatoes and some of the reserved water untill well blended, add more spices as needed. You may also add some milk or cream if you like, but to me, the base was pretty creamy and didn’t require any additional thickeners.

     Combine this base with meatballs, peppers and the soup water they were cooking in and bring it all to a boil on a very low flame. Garnish with scallions or fresh herbs as desired. You’ll end up with a big pot of soup, it freezes well and can be a quick yet satisfying lunch option.  And, trust me, the kids won’t know there is cauliflower in it, mine had two bowls at once, and he passionately hates cauliflower :) Enjoy!

Mar18

The Winter That Never Was

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Yes, where was winter this year??? Apparently it was lost somewhere between the Polar Tilt,   Global Warming, or maybe the Universe is giving us a reprieve, since the world is supposed to end  this December anyway.

    

 

  

 This is what we had last year, on multiple occasions.

                                                                          And this is how winter is supposed to be.

 

     

    

 Though I can’t say that I’m particularly complaining, it was great not to get stuck in a snow or dress in a 100 layers (and trust me, I do, as I’m always cold). As the Spring Equinox is upon us, so is the time to review the season that is almost gone.

     And this was truly a season of gains and losses (but isn’t a whole life is?!) Some relationships ended as they came to their due conclusions, some other ones that ended way before saw a necessary closure and release. Some friendships were tested and survived as usual, they were true to begin with, and some other connections will hopefully develop into possible friendships. As the energy moves so do the people, literary. When the last year was bidding farewell, I said goodbye to my old apartment with some bittersweet memories but a light heart as I knew it was time to leave. The air that held the memories of the life before the move there and the walls that protected and helped me heal during cancer treatment were no longer applicable in the life that is awaiting me. The new place is only a block away but seems like a world apart, it is what is needed to take a deep breath, regroup and build a new life foundation, on many levels. And a new foundation for some future work opportunities entered my world as I began a part-time private practice. If I peddle love, care and concern, I might as well do it  for those who truly need it.

     So goodbyes are often just a movement to help new beginnings take place and settle into spaces that were earlier occupied by the old energy. And no matter how much we try to cling to the old and familiar, it becomes just ashes and dust as we are desperately grabbing to keep at least some small pieces just a little bit longer, but they are all eventually blown away by a wind of change. It is all inevitable, like a change of seasons. So the winter that never was actually became a gentle hint to reveal that a lot of a warm weather was already present in life to propel me ahead and be ready for a full-blown spring season that’s already at the door.

What’s Cooking This Week

     Since it’s still technically winter outside, we’re making an ultimate winter comfort food, roasted butternut squash. If you ask me though, I can eat it all year round, but butternut squash is generally hard to find during warm months, plus my savior Fresh Direct only has cut butternut in winter. Otherwise, you need a couple sumo wrestlers to open the little sucker and cut into some manageable pieces. My condolences to the actual Fresh Direct staff who are stuck doing this kind of a job all day long

                                                               Roasted Butternut Squash and Yams

2 cups cut butternut squash

3 large cut yams or sweet potatoes

1 large sliced yellow onion

1/3 cup of dried cranberries

salt, pepper, spices, olive oil

fresh herbs or scallions

     Combine sliced onions, yams and butternut squash in a baking dish large enough to only have one layer for a more round roasting. Add 2-3 tbsp of olive oil and salt, pepper, spices. Roast for 20-30 minutes, or untill the food is almost done. Add cranberries at the very end of roasting time so as not to burn them. Garnish with fresh herbs or scallions.  This dish goes well alongside turkey sausage or crumble some bacon on top to have it as a main course. Enjoy!

    

Mar13

The Serenity Prayer

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        “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…”  (or can I?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

     And so he comes home and says I’m buying a motorcycle once I’m 18!  I know there much worse things that could happen to him once he’s reached the majority age, but riding a motorcycle, or any other vehicular suicide, comes pretty high on a mom’s “heart-dropping” list.  I understand he will not choose to just stay home and knit, but I really really hope the motorcycle will not happen either.  I’m still trying to adjust that he is out of the playpen, just about 6 ft tall, and it’s almost time to start shaving, and I’m totally not ready dealing with “hell on wheels” as my son’s companion and preferred mode of transportation.

     There are a lot of other rides and strolls I’d rather offer him.

    Something like this, for example    

Or something like that     

This could be an appropriate choice    

Or this one   

This could also be an adequate substitution  

I may even go for this one   

Or even that one   

But, dear God, please release me from this fate  

And especially that one         

What’s Cooking This Week

     Lots of soothing tea to de-stress after a nerve-wrecking motorcycle conversations with a 14 year-old. I have a nightly ritual to have tea and sweets to decompress and kiss the day goodbye. What’s in a cup now? Lemongrass, mint and rosehips with a side of chocolate to properly medicate me for what the future might bring. Oh, and there are liquor shots inside those chocolates too :)

Mar10

Some Days Are Better Left Undone

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This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. … Welcome and entertain all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whomever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.      ”Rumi”
      Some days are just like that, all you want to do is curl under the blanket and cry, then I suggest you do just that. I have a firm belief that we are allowed to indulge in exactly what it is we are feeling. Feelings and emotions are always true because they are purely subjective and often have nothing to do with real life (and what is real anyway?!). You can try doing your best reality testing technique, but it will just be futile as feelings are not facts, there is no 2 x 2 table on how it is you’re supposed to feel in particular situations. Therefore, if somebody says “you can’t possibly feel this way”, laugh in their faces, because surely you can!
     I sometimes have days/periods when I allow myself to feel completely broken and unraveled, but I always have an agreement (with myself) that after 3-4-10 (insert your time frame here) days you will also start getting yourself out of the hole. I think this allows to feel that you’re not a superhero who can always hold it together, acknowledging and respecting your vulnerability is the biggest strength because it allows you to stay true to yourself.
What’s Cooking This Week
Ragu and Veggie Pasta
On a day when you feel cranky, you need something quick yet satisfying. Ragu pasta is my comfort food and a menu staple that I make at least 2-3 times a month. You can cook a big batch of ragu sauce and freeze in small containers for future quick meals, you can then add whatever veggies you have in the fridge, this is what I made today.
1 15 oz can or container of tomatoes ( I like Pomi or Pastene)
8 oz of gluten free or regular wheat pasta ( I used De Boles rice, quinoa and amaranth spaghetti)
1/2 lbs of ground dark meat turkey ( or any other ground meat)
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
15 mini bell peppers, thinly sliced
1/2 lbs frozen  or fresh peas
fresh herbs ( I used curly parceley)
dried herbs and spices ( I used lemon/pepper blend, salt, black pepper, oregano, basil and celery seeds)
In a large frying pan heat up a tsp of olive oil and add ground turkey, as the meat cooks, constantly break up and stir all the little lumps ( you can also use potato masher). When turkey almost done, add tomatos, stir it all together, cover and lower the heat. Let it simmer for at least 10 min, then add half the dried herbs and spices you were going to use. If the sauce is a bit tarte, add a tsp of raw or brown sugar, let it simmer for another min. This is your base that you can now use or freeze for future meals.
Boil GF or regular pasta according to directions (remember that GF pasta always needs to be rinsed), drain and set aside.
In another frying pen, heat up 1-2 tsps of olive oil and add onions, let it cook until golden brown, then add sliced peppers and cook half way through, add peas and the rest of the herbs and spices, stir fry until all is done.
Combine pasta, veggies and ragu sauce in a large pan and heat it all up stirring frequently. Garnish with fresh herbs. Enjoy!
            
Mar8

Hello World and Goodbye Red Cross!

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 This blog was started after I attended The Vision Board Workshop in an attempt to bring some new ideas and hobbies in my life and concentrate on me rather than on other people. The idea behind the workshop is that you create a visual image (aka cutting the corresponding pictures and glueing them onto the board) of what you want your life to be at this time with the hopes that you gradually start implementing all those things in life. Yeah, I know, easier said (or rather glued on) than done, but I’m going to do my damn best trying!

Before you just start glueing random pictures, you need to formulate a statement what it is you’re trying to achieve in your life now. Mine was “To Give Myself As Much Love And Light As I share With Others”. Yap, yet again, easier said and glued on than done. See, I’m a peddler, I go around and look if anybody needs love and assistance in life (and there are apparently millions of screwed up souls in New York and surroundings). And it becomes like a Red Cross camp, you apply band aids and give some painkillers, you wipe tears and snotty noses, occasionally you even try to perform a brain surgery, but the thing is, they all still die because their wounds are much more what a one Red Cross employee can handle, plus they never learn to fight for themselves anyway. Therefore, as I’ve pleased everybody left and right, and they are all still not satisfied, I might as well concentrate on one person who matters the most, ME :)

     So “Love Myself First” is the theme that prompted me to start this blog, as in all its self-serving gluttony, I want to see, feel, taste and enjoy my words on a big screen, and hope you will too!

     And speaking of gluttony, I live and breathe food, I think about food more times a day then what they say men think about sex (though it is questionable judging by how many men are striving to just be friends). I peddle food like nobody else, it is like my own Meg Ryan’s big “O” moment, therefore, you’ll find food related material in every post, sometimes a recipe, sometimes a review of a restaurant or a product, or maybe just a delicious looking picture. And since I follow gluten, dairy and mostly eggs and soy free diet, you’ll find appropriate info and musings about trying to satisfy both body and soul. My motto is “don’t stew, substitute”.

     So, as you join me on this journey, I hope you will never look like this while reading my blog

And hope my computer will never do this

And most importantly, I hope this particular human will never find a link to this blog, otherwise you may bring flowers to my grave

         As I fully intend on complaining (and bragging a little) about him here. Hey, I’m a mother of a teenager, I have a God-given right to use as many outlets to vent out my feelings as possible!

     And notice the pink color of my vision board! I’m a pink girl! If anything, it’s the color of Love!

What’s Cooking This Week

 Chocolate (this and every week)

                         Ahhhhhhh, chocolate! My Tylenol, my Valium, my best friend and lover!

  I have a piece of dark chocolate (in one form or another) every day, and, no, I don’t eat cupcakes every day even though I really really want to. Moderation is always the key, we are to satisfy body and soul, not hips and butts. Create a ritual where you enjoy your small indulgences with all your five senses to allow the body to absorb all the nutrients and let the soul to soak in the moments of pure joy.